Relationship: Is It Really “Hard-To-Get”?
In my humble opinion, I don’t really think there is any such thing as sisters playing “hard-to-get” when brothers propose to them.
When you propose to a sister and she doesn’t give you a straight YES, there are a number of possible reasons behind it and you will have to find out that reason, instead of concluding that she’s only playing hard-to-get. Well, yeah, we are complex human beings and you just have to understand our psychology and deal with it.
1. Maybe she is really into you but too shy to say “Yes” right away. This is not her fault really. An average girl was raised with this stereotype that she must never give the impression of being cheap and desperate. It’s just a simple task for you to bust this stereotype and be able to tell whether a girl is, ab initio, in love with you or not.
2. She hardly knows you and she needs time to do her research and istikhaarah. This is obviously understandable. I mean, it doesn’t make sense for you to walk up to a lady for the first time and expect yes for an answer. Give her time to think about it.
3. She doesn’t like you, at all. And that’s totally fine. Move on and propose to someone else. You knew when you were proposing that the answer is either a yes or a no. So, if it is the latter, accept it and respect her choice.
4. Are you really proposing the right way? You need to check your approach and attitude. You can’t propose to a girl as if she is your birth right. You need to demonstrate a high level of character. You should balance between humility and confidence. Some ladies are simply turned off by bad manner of approach or a bluffy attitude.
5. You are not following the due process. Most brothers have abandoned the pristine sunnah of marriage proposal. Contacting a muslimah’s waliyy or guardian is a bold step that shows that, not only are you serious about marrying her, you are also wary of the dangers that come with the the western style of dating and courtship.
6. Give her another excuse and try again. Maybe she wasn’t in a good mood or having a bad day. Maybe she is recovering from a heartbreak. Maybe she is sick. Try a different approach the next time. Speak to her close friend, colleague, mentor or guardian. They may know better and give you a clearer picture.
7. If she is a good sister, chances are high that she is dealing with more than one proposal at the moment. She may be trying to subject you to a tougher test just to prove that you are better than the other brother. It’s even more difficult when dealing with two “maa shaa Allaah” brothers at the same time. Some of us have had to separate fights between brothers on top one sister, lol.
Having said that, sisters too should avoid unnecessary games with potential suitors. Be clear about your yes or no, and be reasonable about your “I will think about it”.
In conclusion, I believe that majority of the sisters don’t mean to play hard-to-get. They’re just trying not to throw caution into the wind. Marriage is a life-long commitment and it requires PATIENCE; as an essential prerequisite and component.